tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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