She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
