He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
