whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
