Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

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  (773): I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept http://tfl.nu/49pe
  Replies (10) Good night (515) Bad night (1790)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?

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  (305): If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette? http://tfl.nu/wdb5
  Replies (50) Good night (1144) Bad night (2741)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2530) Bad night (497)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.

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  (501): fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka. http://tfl.nu/5hpm
  Replies (44) Good night (3636) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
  Replies (7) Good night (5250) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.

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  (901): I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism. http://tfl.nu/eczv
  Replies (3) Good night (3078) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.

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  (775): Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I. http://tfl.nu/56to
  Replies (3) Good night (1161) Bad night (2494)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork

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  (412): im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork http://tfl.nu/m3k8
  Replies (10) Good night (2639) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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  (662): It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face http://tfl.nu/qofd
  Replies (9) Good night (1974) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.

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  (443): Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion. http://tfl.nu/xb4s
  Replies (7) Good night (1078) Bad night (2417)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'

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  (613): It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed' http://tfl.nu/zbjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1430) Bad night (348)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.

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  (724): body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe. http://tfl.nu/fyq3
  Replies (2) Good night (442) Bad night (165)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun

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  (270): I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun http://tfl.nu/24f6
  Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (180)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.

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  (402): He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team. (575): Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring. http://tfl.nu/j6bp
  Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (159)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it

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  (832): Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it http://tfl.nu/qafe
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (186)

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