I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this just has baby written all over it
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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