Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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