god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.