Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila