so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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