That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to make out with him forever
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.