i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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