I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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