my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
