his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
