so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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