Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
