Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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