I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
