You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
