hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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