I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
