My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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