so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
