they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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