Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
