I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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