Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
