new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
