I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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