My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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