probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
