at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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