My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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