I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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