She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
