It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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