..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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