Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
two words: eviction party
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
