Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
