the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
