After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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