i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
