I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
