So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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