You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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