I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
