Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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