just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
