I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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