i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do herpes really smell.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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