That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
