I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
