lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize