i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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