i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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