How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
