she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
