The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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