Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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