oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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