its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
