Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
