Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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