I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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