i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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